meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
