i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
