just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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