Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
