I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
