He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
