You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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