she woke up with a sticky ear
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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