just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
