Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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