Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
