somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
