dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
