i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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