i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
