would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
