I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
