Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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