My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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