I got chris browned last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The best revenge is premature balding
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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