Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
