I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
