Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
