She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
