at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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