She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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