On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
