5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
