If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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