whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
