Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
