We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
