My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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