Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
