I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm getting married
To pizza
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
