Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
