I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i've created a new STD.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
