Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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