So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
