I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
