I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
