i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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