The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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