oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
