I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
