2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
