Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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