and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
