smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
