I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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