thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
