I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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