I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
