I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
