I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
