At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
