she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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