So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
