the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
